I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
