THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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