We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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