Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
