Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
