I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
