you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
