I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
