i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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