my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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