Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
