ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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