i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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