Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
