This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
