The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
