Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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