I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
