I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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