So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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