I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
