i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
