I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We had to coat check the pizza.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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