First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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