Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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