my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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