You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
