Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
