Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
where are my eyebrows?
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