The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Found the puke drawer
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
