He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
