I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
