When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
