The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think I sprained my soul last night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
