It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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