Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
