make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
