I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
