He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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