Me too!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
