That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
