it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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