just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
