i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
