I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
my poor anus
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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