So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
