it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
