I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Found the puke drawer
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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