the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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