: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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