He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
