My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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