Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
