ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
